When I was a little girl my mother always gave me crash courses on how to behave in public, to meet my food when eating, to place my napkin in my lap, never show too much emotion in public places, and always, always be gracious. She would always make me stand in the kitchen while she cooked too. I hated that because I wanted to do something as well, not just, “get this, and throw this away”. When I was 7, my dad started taking me to the ballet, the symphony, art galleries, and museums. Sometimes he’d take me and a couple of my friends all dressed up to a really nice restaurant for dinner. I didn’t understand why at the time, but now I know. My mother’s objective was to make sure somebody could take me somewhere in public. My father’s objective was to show me how a man is supposed to treat me when he takes me out.
When I say “I am not that chick” I’m not swinging my head from side to side or, snapping my fingers vigorously in the air. I am simply reminding myself of the rigorous training camp I went through as a young girl and on through high school. My mom making sure I hold up my end of the bargain for the man I will have relationships with in the future. Being able to nurture him, admit my wrong doings, communicate with him, and fill up his tummy with something yummy (yea, yea, I know). My dad making sure I know what that man’s end of the bargain is as well. Maybe that’s why I’ve only been in two real relationships. Maybe because I know what to expect, and I know not to expect too much from what I’ve seen since I’ve been in college. No one steps up anymore. No one grabs my attention anymore. Because when they do, I’m quickly reminded that it’s probably game being run and sweet nothings in my ear. Trust, this road is all but too familiar for me.
Even the most recent situation is pretty much a bust. I rewind the clock, the images in my head like, “what did I do wrong?” I know people lose interest in one another and all, but damn can I at least see that he wanted to know a little more about me before writing me off. Now I would totally understand if I was like some freak stalker, but I hardly ever text him and God forbid a phone call…never that *Frankie’s voice*. I try and keep my distance and I do a good job of it too. I don’t want a relationship right now. Period. But I do want someone who make me feel special and appreciated. I do want someone who says sweet things to me and then SHOWS me, nothing big, just simple gestures. Too much? No, not according to mom’s and pop’s training camp.